Between Spaces – Museum and cultural interventions for young people in adolescent mental health care inpatient settings
Watercolour by Maria I. García-Pérez. 2014
Yes, letters to you, because I never knew anyone who can know me that well. I never needed to say a word for you to know what was inside my head. As I have said to you joking many times, I should have gave you my BSc Psychology certificate, because if you could read peoples minds as you were reading mine you will become a gold mine.
Being here in London is not that easy. All memories from all you guys come continuously to my mind, I have to repress the urge to catch a bus and return to Oxford, a place once called home. But once there, the city is ok but its essence, all of you, have all gone long ago.
The feeling is so weird, and now here, after leaving the house were I was born for a second time, it´s even harder.
What I have not cried in eight years, I’ve cried now every day. Who was going to tell me that it´s hard to come back?, to start again?, even when the project is a dream come true, it is dammed hard!.
A funny thing happened yesterday, I was in Royal Festival Hall walking around, missing you all so much, and a little girl, about 2 years old, grabbed my leg screaming “Mommy, Mommy!!”, she buried her face in my thigh and would not let me go. The funny thing is that ten years ago on my 30th birthday happened the same, I was waiting in the cue for the cash machine and a little boy did actually exactly the same thing. At the time I did think of the new decade to come and all the dreams to pursue here in England, we were talking about having children about future plans, and now I go back to the same though. I have left many of those dreams back on the road, others have been refined and many others have been fulfilled.
I have discovered who I am, and that what I had fled from. I have seen my ghosts and I’ve stood up. Some are still there and I’m learning how to live with them.
Today is a long day that is not over yet, and I am already tired. I have to compound myself, I know, and you would kill me if I am not, not because I have to do it for someone but for myself, and for the dream I am almost going to throw away. I always thought it would be easy and very nice, but the truth is I’m not enjoying the moment. I need to find a second place called home, but it is not an easy task in such a hugely expensive city such as London.
My mind is changing too, and I cannot avoid the sensation of the unrealistic of my projects. I know the process, but with 28 years old I was not thinking that much and I was braver, or something like that.
I went to see a house on Tuesday and when I went out of the underground I found a big sign of colored lights on the wall of a pub saying: TAKE COURAGE. Exactly old moaning lady! – I said to myself, I need to take my courage back or find my courage, exactly like Bilbo in The Hobbit. I thought many times what would have happened if Bilbo had not followed the dwarves, if he stayed in the comfort of his lovely house and his lovely people, instead he followed the dwarves even thought most of them didn’t want him and did not believe in him. But I really think he found his courage sooner than he thought.
I will write back soon, thanks for always being there. Miss you all.
From time to time, when changes are close, I usually have a recurring dream. I’m on the beach and a wave approaches; it’s dangerous to stay there, and I have to convince the people around me to evacuate the beach.
Searching in internet for some meaning I found this:
To see an ocean in your dream represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of spiritual refreshment, tranquility and renewal. Alternatively, the dream means that you are feeling empowered and unhindered. You have a positive outlook in life and are not limited by anything. If you are sailing across the ocean, then it signifies new found freedom and independence. You are showing great courage. If the ocean is rough, then the dream represents some emotional turmoil. You are doing your best to handle life’s ups and downs.
To see clear, calm waves in your dream, signify renewal and clarity. You are reflecting on some important life decision that needs to be made. Alternatively, if you are riding a wave, then it indicates that you are trying to get a handle on your emotions. Waves also symbolize potential and power.
To dream that you are caught in a tidal wave represents an overwhelming emotional issue that demands your attention. You may have been keeping your feelings and negative emotions bottled up inside for too long. You may be holding back tears that you are afraid to express in your waking life. On a positive note, the tidal wave symbolizes the clearing away of old habits. If you are carried away by the tidal wave, then it means that you are ready to make a brand new start in a new place.
All images belong to Maria Isabel Garcia-Perez, Praia do Rostro, Galicia, Spain. August 2014.
“A work of art is a world in itself reflecting senses and emotions of the artist’s world” – Hans Hofmann.
Praia do Rostro, Galicia, Spain. Maria Isabel Garcia-Perez, August 2014.
My Smaug. He is not perfect, its small scales are irregular and its design was not carried out thoroughly, but for all those reasons is because I love him the most.
I`ve builded my dragon, he is fully alive now!!
“My parents”, Photocollage by Maria I. Garcia-Perez, June 2014.
Turning 40 can sometimes be intimidating, but I don´t have that feeling. I have an immense of gratitude to my parents. It’s a bit strange, but when I turned 30 I felt an immense desire for motherhood, which has not left me, but now at 40 I think about my parents.
The most normal thing should be celebrate your 40’s with a big party or a nice night out, my friends said. They are right but I decided to celebrate this special time as quietly as it was just any other day in my life. I wanted to spend time with my family and closest friends in the comfort of my home, good food, good wine and a wonderful dessert.
Thanking and expressing a great sense of gratitude to all of them.
I really have enjoyed all my decades and now I face a big challenge for my forties. I am already making changes in my life. I am moving to London in September for the next 3 years of my life, I starting a new career as an Art Therapist in Roehampton University, I will be living with different people and a new cycle is about to begin. It is a little bit scaring but the feeling that it is something I have to do is even bigger. Every time I think about that I feel gratitude to my parents. I reach 40, I received a great education, they have always supported me, they taught me to work for what I want, they have taught me to respect others, to love, to care, to worry, to be the person I am today. I have been immensely fortunate because through their work I’ve never missed anything, neither my brothers.
They have taught me that when one door closes, another opens and I am always ready to walk in, trust yourself, have hope, faith and love, they said. And I do it, in all that I do and with the people in my life.
I don´t know what the future holds for me, but I look forward for the next step in my life. Meanwhile I will postpone a little bit my special 40 celebration and I am going to spend this summer with my loved ones and thanking them for being there everyday.
With love, faith and hope, I will continue to live the life that it is meant for me. Thank you!
“My mom always said the things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end. If not always in the way we expect.” – Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter)
Thanks for bringing me to life and for teaching me all your courage, your support, and your love. Love you mum!!
For all the mums around the world, have a wonderful day.